No Going Back
by pain66
Summary: one shot, Sam feels lost after a case hits close to home
1. Chapter 1

Things had be tense since she had returned from Dakota, although they had managed to be civil over the lasts months the tent ion was still always therein the forefront.

The shift had been a long one, a case that had drained all of 15 and brought many seasoned officers to tears. Although Sam was still with Marlo anyone close to the pair knew that some tension had brewed between them over this case. Marlo and Peck had been the responding officers on the case in which a missing mother and daughter had been found. When the call came out for the d's to respond anyone hearing Pecks voice knew that it was bad. Andy and Nick had arrived shortly after Marlo and Gail and were helping to cordon off the area, the movements they made seemed to be almost in slow motion, the gruesome sight before them making everyone almost feel as if they were part of a horror film. When Sam and Traci arrived at the scene, Sam approached Marlo and Gail as Tracy approached Nick and Andy to begin gathering facts, as with any case it wasn't until Sam approached the bodies still not yet covered that a silent choke could barely be heard from a man who very rarely showed any emotions. Taking a step back he closed his eyes and covered them with his hands trying to cover his sudden onset of emotion, Andy had watched him struggle, the pain she saw in his eyes, heard in his voice was heartbreaking and devastating, as she looked on over the course of the day she saw him slowly retreating back into himself and away from the others, his friends, he was beginning to again lose himself. When the medical examiner had arrived and explained that both the mother age 41 and the daughter 14 had been strangled and raped he suspected, Sam had quickly left the scene stating only that he was heading back to the barn to begin the investigation. When Andy turned towards the parking lot, she noticed Sam standing beside his car, arm on the roof and heard lowered it looked like he was taking cleansing breaths trying to regain his normally tight control. Andy was called back towards Traci unable to watch any further she continued to help with canvasing and interviewing witnesses until it was almost dark when they had finally returned to the barn. With nothing else to be done, Nick and Andy headed towards the locker room to get changed, Nick asked about the penny, Andy had just shrugged it off saying that she just needed time to decompress on her own, but she would see him tomorrow. After showering and changing Andy looked up towards the d's office in search of Sam, she could not see him but could hear his voice, so she followed it, she just wanted to check on him that's what a friend would do, even though they were miles apart she still cared, and knew he would do the Sam despite his words or actions otherwise. When Andy stood outside the door, she stopped for a moment waiting for a pause so she could say her piece and be on her way, what she heard, was not something that she would have ever expected. Marlo stood across from him leaning against the wall, Sam seated in his chair behind the door, looking absolutely awful, "common Sam you promised we would have dinner tonight, now your backing out on me to what work a case?"

"Look I can't ok, I need to work this one, am sorry another night ok"

"it can wait until tomorrow it not like this doesn't happen, yes this is awful but we can't do more tonight, but we can still live our lives, right?"

The look that Sam gave was one of aggravation and disbelief, the pain behind his eyes, tore at Andy's heart again, she should not be listening but she did, still to stunned to move.

"I'm not coming Marlo, now go please "his voice barely audible

"Sam common please ill even…"

"get the hell out of my office, what the hell don't you understand about not tonight" his voice carried the pain and anguish that seldom was seen or heard, with a quick smack marlo's hand connected with his face, "fine be alone again, you don't know how to put others before work obviously" with that she stormed from his office slamming the door, seeing Andy she just kept going straight to the locker room, with an "asunder her voice. It took several minutes for Andy to decide she would give him a few more minutes before returning with some coffee, maybe ask if he wanted to get a drink at the penny, maybe not what she wanted now, but she wanted to help him anyway she could, even if it wasn't he job anymore.

When Andy returned his office was empty, the lights off, and the door closed, she quickly made her way out to the parking lot to see if she could catch up with him. When her scans had come up empty she turned towards the street and began walking. She had been walking for just over 20 minutes, numerous thoughts whirling around her mind as she approached her intended location. She took a deep breath before knocking on the door, when she finally knocked she waited patiently for him to answer, his truck was in the drive so he was home, after another minute she knocked again, still nothing. Deciding that maybe he was in the shower, or asleep already she headed into the back yard to see if she could see any movement, peering in through the windows she saw no movement, the lights were dim, and the inside looked untouched, she tried the back door now to find it unlocked so she proceeded inside, "Sam, Sam, you in here "her voice hushed so as not to wake him if he was sleeping. She continued into the living room, then the kitchen still no sign, taking in a deep breath she leaned against the wall before continuing, she was suddenly knocked to the ground, her heart began to race as she fought back against her assailant, she punched at his chest, before hearing a familiar voice, ANDY?

"What the hell are you doing here, "his look was something new, his eyes were red and puffing, his breathing was heavy, his voice was low and almost sounded hallow

"I came to check on you "Andy almost whispered, looking at Sam still laying firmly across her chest

"Why the hell would you do that, I fine, now if you could please leave "

"Well seeing as you're still laying on top of me…."Andy paused

"Oh sorry, look did I hurt you?"

"No Sam I'm fine, I was wondering if I actually hurt you? "She laughed trying to lighten the moment

Sam braced himself to stand, offering her a hand, Andy stood up and brushed herself off before standing before him and looking at him the eyes.

"Sam"

"No Andy don't ok, just please go home, I want to be alone "without looking at him, his voice betrayed him, it was as if he was on the verge of losing it

"Sam, I just thought that tonight you might need someone"

"I have someone and they aren't here, because I don't want anyone, so please take the hint ok"

"You may not need someone, but I do, even if you don't think you do I think we both know that on days like today we need someone who knows us and we need to know that not everything in the world is evil? "She looked at him her eyes brimming with tears, he went to open his month when nothing came out, she gently took his hand, and whispered "Sam, please I need you."

With nothing left inside himself, he pulled her into a hug grasping hold of her head, her head rested on the crook of his neck as her arms settled on his chest, she let out a strangled sob as her arms came to encircle his waste, she wasn't sure what made her become so overcome with emotion, if it was the day, the sense of loss of missing him all these months, or seeing the one person who was always so strong and always there for her hurting in such a way, that it physically made her ill.

They stood silent for an unmeasured amount of time, their grasp on one another was still solid, somehow they ended up on the couch, him sitting beneath her while she straddled his lap, she realized in that moment that her shirt and mostly likely his were soaked in wetness, tears that had silently been shed in the darkness of the room, a gut wrenching pain gnawed at her heart and into her soul, in that moment she realized that she still loved him unconditionally, and with everything that was her, he was always the one.

Although that night they did not talk they laid together on the couch, changing various positions throughout, they drifted in and out of sleep, each letting their bottled emotions out in silent tears and heart wrenching sobs, the other comforting them with soft whispers and gentle caresses until dawn had finally broke through the window and they were both stretched on the couch, Andy on top of Sam, his arms tightly wrapped around her.

When Sam began to wake, a sharp pain enveloped his entire body, he groggily opened his eyes to see where the pressure was coming from, and he was shocked when he came face to face with Andy's angelic face resting on his chest. Without thinking he brushed the hair from her face and kissed her temple, when she started to stir she raised her head to look at him and gave him a small smile.

"HI "she said sleepily

"hey" he replied, she laid her head back on his chest wanting to just enjoy this moment for one more minute before, well everything went back to normal again, the thought made her cringe for as much as she didn't want to leave him she knew it wasn't her place anymore to be by his side, to be the one comforting him, it was Marlos'.

Taking a cue from her he continued to draw small circles on her back, also taking a moment to relish in this time he had with her, they had been through so much together, he had only ever truly loved one person, only had one person who understood him, and still loved him, he let his emotions get the better of him all those months ago and he lost his chance at real happiness, but for today, for this moment he would give her what he could and, take what she gave because later, tomorrow there was no going back.

A/N

pls read and review as alway thanks PP


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_a/n: now a two shot thanks for all the reviews_

They had laid together in the same place just listening to one another breath for hours, it wasn't until Andy's stomach began to grumble that the reality of the outside world stuck its nose in and they both knew this time was coming to an end. Sam looked up at Andy still holding his arms securely around her, "I guess it's time to move huh?"

Taking a deep breath she sighed looked up and their eyes met "yah I guess"

Andy went to move, placing a hand on his chest to gain her balance, if it was instinct or habit he placed his hand over hers keeping it in place, he sighed looking at her again "sorry "he mumbled she resumed her earlier position laying on his chest "its fine Sam" she looked down again it was then he felt his shirt, it was damp, what the, he mumbled. Taking a minute he looked down at Andy, pushed himself up slightly so he could look at her, "Andy what's wrong"

"I'm sorry Sam, "her eyes filled with tears

"Why, Andy why are you sorry "his hand came up beside her face touching her cheek

"I miss you, I miss this, and I miss us" she whispered, "I'm sorry because I know it's not my place anymore, I know you moved on, I just miss you"

Looking into her eyes was heartbreaking, how could one person show so much emotion through one look and how could he understand it. Certain things he guessed he might never know but others did they always said as much to the both of them, they knew each other, they knew each other's moves, they spoke without speaking an entire conversation with just one glance that is what had made them great partners on the job, why didn't it work off the job he sometime wondered.

"Andy"

"Sam its okay I understand, I just needed to say it, I'm sick of being scared, of making the wrong choice, I just needed you to know that as well"

Sam continued to look at her, her tears glazing over the pain that was in her eyes, the torment that she felt resonated in his in chest, his pain mirrored hers and with that revelation he said the only thing that would convey how he felt "stay"

They continued to lay there together, only getting up to eat, or drink with every look that passed between them something was silently conveyed. He cried, she listened. She spoke, he cherished.

As their tears quieted to soft mummers without tone and only depth, they sat up facing each other, gazing into something they never really knew existed. "Hold me," she said, speaking the simplest of her soul's truth.

Widening his eyes to encompass her entire being took more than a second, but he chose not to move in that instant. Wanting to show her what he saw that had made him cry, made him move, made him die, and made him reborn that night, he raised his right hand. He moved it slowly towards the left side of her chest, but it stopped just short of touching her. Still moving slowly, it turned sideways and moved in a scooping motion and then retracted to a slightly cupped palm facing upwards, as though it was holding something delicate.

With equal grace, his other hand moved over and gently rested on top of the other, also cupped. Pulling them back together, he lowered his lips and rested them close to the base of his two hands. Like a gate parting, the fingertips of his two hands moved apart, almost spout-like. Aiming carefully for the top of her head, he began to blow, slowly moving down her body as though he was holding some kind of magic dust.

Spreading his hands apart, as he had soon reached the bottom of her in that single breath, he almost seemed to look at her in a renewed light. Wrapping one hand around her back and another tucked under her smooth buttocks, he pulled her close to him in such a way that not a single part of their bodies could be missed. He wrapped his arms around her and nestled his head against her shoulder and soft cheek.

What mattered was not that they touched everywhere in that moment, but simply that he was holding her...and she was there.

Things will never be simple for them but at that moment, they both knew that the universe did have a plan for them, a rollercoaster of a plan but still a plan, they continued their quiet declarations as the sun silently said its own farewell, when they began to drift off together he whispered "no going back"

"Only forward" she whispered.

_A/N: please review as always thanks_

_PP_


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